Michelle Wie to Join Tiger on The PGA Tour

The Tiger Effect continues.  Since Tiger’s scandal has rocked the PGA Tour, Commissioner Tim Finchem has been looking for any method to shore up the falling television ratings.  With the television contracts coming up for renewal, Finchem has desperately searched for a way to keep The PGA Tour as a desirable television product.  The decline in ratings, and therefore dollars, when Woods doesn’t play in a tournament is well documented.  The ratings usually double when Woods is in the field and Finchem knows that the tour needs to develop other stars to make the tour more appealing to fans.

Finchem has decided to take unprecedented action to help his ailing tour.  Using an obscure rule in the PGA Tour bylaws, Rule 04-01-10, which states “The Commissioner shall take any action he deems necessary to ensure the viability of The Tour” he has offered permanent membership to Michelle Wie.  Finchem has contacted Wie’s people and offered her a chance to join the tour as a full fledged member of The PGA Tour and immediate entry into all tournaments.

Wie will no doubt create higher television ratings for The PGA Tour.  Wie’s previous foray into the PGA Tour was not successful but Finchem realizes that Wie is a different player now and is sure she’ll be a great addition to the Tour.  “Have you seen her drive the ball?” he said. Finchem went on, “Michelle is the biggest thing in golf, next to my favorite golfer, Tiger.  We all know that Tiger is the best but on those weeks that Tiger is not in the field I know Michelle will be able to carry the tour.  It’s all about the ratings and Michelle is a ratings queen.  I know she’ll fit right in with all the guys on tour.”

Michelle Wie tweeted her response to Finchem’s offer, “I’m sooooo happy that Timmy asked me to play with the boys. 🙂 Like, you know, it will be way coooool hanging with the guys, but my dad says I can’t hang with Tiger…with like ya know, all the drama he has…but like that’s OK I really can’t wait to play with Camilo, he’s so dreamy!!!  Like I’m going to bake brownies for everyone!!!  I’m hoping to win a major this year, a MEN’S MAJOR!!  Timmy promised me that the rules officials are like so awesome and nice :).  I won’t have to worry about those silly rules!!!”

It’s a match made in heaven:  Finchem needs ratings and Michelle is The Ratings Queen.  Lucky for Finchem that Rule 04-01-10 can be used once a year.