Inside the Locker Room at the Tour Championship

by Jeff Skinner

The Tour Championship by Coca-Cola (I better say that or I’ll get in trouble) is turning into an interesting tournament.  And yes Mr. Finchem, you’re right; it is not just a tune up for the Ryder Cup.  We sent our best man, Sir Charles Alistair Simpson Higgenbottoms III down to East Lake to see if he could get the low down from the players.  Well, it turns out Old Cassy Bottoms, as we call him, managed to find a secluded spot in the locker room and overheard some great quotes from the players trying to manage their way around Bobby Jones’s old digs.  Here is what the players say off camera.  Please no lawsuits; we are only reporting what Cassy Bottoms heard.

30th.   Lee Westwood “This is why I joined the PGA Tour!  Bollocks!”

29th.   Nick Watney “Hey man…I shot my wad at The Barclays.”

28th.   Ernie Els “Champion Golfer of the Year, Champion Golfer of the Year, Champion Golfer of the Year…”

27th.   John Huh “Rookie of the Year, Rookie of the Year, Rookie of the Year…”

T22.   Carl Pettersson “Where’s the barbeque?”

T22    John Senden “I really have no chance at the FedEx Cup but I love the paycheck.”

T22    Steve Stricker “Is there a check with the Payne Stewart Award?  Yea, Yea Tiger…I’ll play with you!”

T22    Keegan Bradley “Man, my Red Sox Suck!”

T22    Sergio Garcia “Hey Rory, my tennis playing girlfriend is hotter than yours!”

T20    Phil Mickelson “My game is soooo close. Hey, give me a grand on the Chargers to cover.”

T20    Hunter Mahan “No Ryder Cup…OK with me. Now I can watch my Cowboys.”

T16    Rickie Fowler “No Ryder Cup, no problem.  Now I can trim my stache.”

T16    Jason Dufner “Wake me up when the Ryder Cup starts.”

T16    Scott Piercy “Hey man, I won this year and I am cashing another big check. Cha Ching!”

T16    Adam Scott “Hey Ernie, can you keep it down mate?”

15th    Louis Oosthuizen  “Woooth Hey Zen…it’s like a silent W.”

T13    Dustin Johnson “So if I win this thing, what has to happen for me to get the ten million?”

T13    Webb Simpson “Only one top ten since the U.S. Open and I had that kid.  How did Nicklaus do this?”

T11    Zach Johnson “Hey Luke, how are we supposed to compete with 360 yard drives?”

T11    Luke Donald “I know…what the hell!”

T7      Bo Van Pelt “I’m gonna win this damn thing and Captain Davis can kiss my Ryder Cup!”

T7      Matt Kuchar “All this golf is killing my tennis game.”

T7      Robert Garrigus “Tied for seventh at the Tour Championship, not bad for a kid from Scottsdale Community College…is it?”

T7      Tiger Woods “Hey….get the hell outta my locker room you freakin mooks!”

T4      Jim Furyk “All right…who drank all my Five Hour Energy?”

T4      Bubba Watson “I’m gonna win this thing and take another two months off.  Davis can go scratch.”

T4      Rory McIlroy “Hey Sneds…I’m coming for you.  I need that 10 mil for all that jet fuel I’m burning.”

3rd      Ryan Moore “Fear the Beard boys, Fear the Beard!”

T1      Justin Rose “For the last time, I said niggle! It’s like British for something weird!”

T1      Brandt Snedeker “No honey, you can’t buy a new house…yet!”


One Comment

  1. Good stiff from the locker room,Jeff. Here are a few comments heard outside the locker room
    GREG NORMAN: ” I want to remind you boys that the idea for a playoff was originally mine and Tim sole it”
    WALTER HAGEN: ” 10 Million Samolians? That’s my kind of game. Fill ‘er up, Barkeep”.
    GARY PLAYER: ” This is the most sensational, fantastic, spectacular event in the history of the Tour”.
    BOBBY JONES: :” These gentlemen play a game I am not familiar with”.
    JOHN DALY: ” I wouldn’t have wanted to play here anyway. I only drink Diet Coke and they wouldn’t let me park my RV next to the clubhouse.

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